kids

I think that having your first baby is traumatic. It was not what I expected and humbled me greatly. Having my second was much less emotionally, but more physically traumatic. Worth it, yet amazingly harder than I though it would be. I am finding now as my youngest is growing more and more independent that I am too. I felt somewhat trapped but in love with my new life, and now its slipping away. A little while ago I would've thought that having children causes all parents to be unselfish. But now I can see how someone who might have not been as attached during the early months, might not get to that point at all. I am already starting to fear the upcoming years where I am not superwoman to my kids anymore. I want them to always love and cherish me. But I know they will grow up and away, and be bothered by me. They'll ignore me, and be disrespectful, and I have to stand firm throughout it all. I also don't want to become a selfish parent, since they "need" me less I don't won't to focus on myself too much. I hope that I can be a good parent throughout their entire childhoods. Having a baby is definitely more accurately described as "having a person". The baby stage lasts for such a short time. I hope this made sense in some sort of way. I have been thinking about stuff like this for a while. I really don't want to be a selfish parent, and I really want to have good kids who obey and are logical and love their mom a lot, though most importantly, even if things are rough I hope they know the Lord and He guides them throughout their entire lives.

chilly

Or does it? Last week on recycling day, I had to clean my kitchen in a major way. It was full of dirty yogurt cups and apple sauce containers. I kept thinking about how nice it would be to just throw all those recyclables out, versus having to clean them and find a spot in my overflowing recycling container out on the curb. I thought about it for a little too long before I came to the conclusion that I should be a good steward, and not be lazy or wasteful. I cleaned out about 10 yogurt cups and 5 apple sauce containers, and a number of other cans and glasses. I found a cardboard box in the basement and filled it up and brought it out to the curb. Well when the Recycling truck drove up, I realized it was actually the trash truck(which usually makes the rounds after recycling) the garbage man grabbed my box of yogurt cups etc. and effortlessly dropped it into the truck. My heart did indeed sink a little. How much of the things I recycle never make it?

It's so incredibly cold out! Last night I had to turn on the heater! Evie kept waking up crying and when I went in to check on her, she was so cold :( Tonight I will bundle her up really well. I just didn't expect this so early on in fall!

Asa had his four year check up today. He's off the charts for height! He passed all the tests, except hopping on one foot. He told the doctor he would practice it at home.

My hands are literally like ice and I am wearing layers...

I have this addiction to this game called Bejeweled Blitz. I seriously have to play at least once a day, and once always turns into 35 times. I see the game when I close my eyes. I shirk my duties because of it. I need help. lol.

My little brother is getting married next week! I am excited for the wedding. I think it will be beautiful, it's at a park. I am not sure if it'll be indoors or out though..and am worried about freezing.(lol) I can't believe time goes by so quickly..

Well since I played Bejeweled for yes, longer than 35 minutes before posting this, I am going to have to cut it short. Evie is still napping and I can maybe get something done around here!

We have Pioneer at church tonight, I am supposed to teach first grade. Looking forward to that!

October Eleventh Two Thousand and Nine

Today is a Sunday. I am behind in almost all aspects of life. But I a not entirely depressed over that fact. It's been an absolutely gorgeous beginning to fall. I can't remember a fall beginning this way for a long time. It seems like summer was turned off by the flick of a switch and the cool fall air blew in the next day. The trees are all turning wonderful hues and I am thankful that it's been an enjoyable start to my least favorite season!
The kids are growing fast. Asa turned 4 on August 12th. We had a small family party for him and took him to Target to buy Star Wars Legos (Which he promised he would take care repeatedly) that are now entirely missing. Tyler turned 9 on September 4th and again we celebrated with a small family party. We also took him to the Lego Store....Great Place!!!

Evie has been coming along nicely. She finally has enough hair for me to pin back with clips and she is really into accessories! She has also just started saying a few more words (besides her staple: Happy Birthday, Mom, Hi, and Uh Oh. She signs "please" and "more".

Asa is starting to print letters now. He enjoys learning and is very excited about starting Kindergarten at (hopefully) a local Charter School next year. We do "school" almost everyday and he gets really into it. He likes to use scrabble letters to make up his own words and asks me to pronounce them. It's cute :)

The house projects have been put on hold for a while. That's frustrating, but there's not much you can do when things are so tight financially. I am thankful that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I am also thankful for a sovereign God. One who I can't begin to understand much about. But a loving, merciful God who loves someone as crappy as me, and repeatedly blesses me and carries me through times when I cannot move on my own. I am also thankful for a church where there are others who encourage and love and, though not perfect, want to learn more and persevere in the faith along side each other. This world is a harsh place, sometimes I wish I could live in a cave. I am thankful for the peace and rest I find in Him, and the help in times of trouble. I am also immensely thankful for the Bible. I recently heard Steve Brown speaking of the Bible in such a cool way. He was explaining how so many think of the Bible as a nice book to make people nicer, or a religious book to make people more religious, but that in actuality its a book full of dark things, of people that are bad, of things we might not like to talk about. But it's all there for a good reason, that's who we are--sinners, and that's why we need Jesus. The best thing about it, is that no matter what horrible things someone may do to me, and how mad I get at the injustice--how much more does Christ forgive? It helps me put it into perspective, even when all I truly want to do is feel angry and bitter. We are all crappy and dark and dirty and bad, any good is from Him and mercy we don't deserve. I could go on and on but....

...my daughter obviously doesn't want to take a nap right now. ( i can tell by her shrill screams and jumping up and down on the crib sounds)

Lauren
**the pic is of Evie back in July** too cute to pass up though...

still pursuing...

I am almost 25. I like that number--though it feels somewhat mature. I'll probably be saying that when I'm 50. My birthday will be uneventful. Nothing planned other than dropping my car off at the dealer for some maintenance. Which is fine. I do want a vacation soon though. This weather has been the icing on the cake for me. The rain seems to never end and some of my flowers-my saviors from winter's depression-inducing gloom-are rotting. I'd like a day to clean my house as well. I feel so behind in my work! Today was however very beautiful. The sun was shining between quickly moving bursts of large fluffy white clouds and the breeze was very pleasant. The weather forcast anticipates rain for the rest of the week though. I find it harder to do my daily jobs when it's raining.
Asa's allergies have been so bad lately that I feel somewhat helpless when I look at him. I never thought there could be so much suffering from allergies. His eyes were swollen so much the other night I kept feeling like I needed to take him to the ER. I usually under-react to that stuff..maybe it's a pride thing. In fact I know it is. I don't like to be wrong. It's pretty stupid to be like that when it involves your child's health. I am taking him to the Dr's tomorrow. He is medicated constantly with something or the other. Now his Eczema is coming back and his nodes are swollen. His Asthma has been so bad lately. All that I've listed is nothing compared to the attitude change in him. He is impossible to deal with. I know he doesn't feel well--but I almost think something else must be wrong with him for him to act the way he's been acting. He SCREAMS about everything, like at the top of his lungs. I know how he gets when his allergies or asthma is bothering him and his behavior becomes unsettled..but lately it's been off the charts. Mark is even freaked out by it. He will barely listen to us. I don't know what to do sometimes. It feels good to write it down though.

I am sure my next post will have some more positive about that subject.
I made a bowl the other day using repurposed magazine pages cut into strips and pasted together. It took a while, but the results were awesome. I am going to make more, and have been working on some vases as well. It's fun. Mark even helped me with it. It was a father's day gift for my FIL and I lined it with saran wrap and put four freshly baked chocolate chip walnut cookies in it, then wrapped it with some pretty ribbons which pulled colors from the paper in the bowl. I was very impressed with myself, and when I get my pics up I will post them on here!






Time for some relaxation time.

HR 1207

I am so excited about this bill that Ron Paul has written. I am very hopeful it will get passed, and have been tracking it for some time. It's amazing how much support it's gotten! Sometimes I feel that people aren't waking up...but this bill gives me hope that I am wrong. Check out how many Co-sponsors, and see the bipartisanship!

slightly sunny

It's been raining too much lately--at least for my taste. The frequent thunderstorms have made it a bit more interesting than just steady rain, but I'm tired of it all. I think that even my plants are sick of the saturated ground.

Last night two of my little bro's graduated! It was exciting and happy and sad. Life flies by so fast once you graduate high school..or it did for me. I can't believe the little kids I used to babysit are all grown up and graduated. I hope for the best for all of them. I hope they don't have to go through too many trials to grow up and mature. I had to go through my share--not to say I didn't put myself there. Life is hard, it seems easier to accept now that I am getting older though. I will be 25 in a few weeks...as in less than 2. I guess it will feel like tomorrow that the classes of 2023 and 2025 are graduating and I am watching my babies turn into adults instantaneously.
My husband graduated college last month. Not sure if I put that on here. He is so amazing to be able to do an accelerated course and work full time and still have time to be a dad. His grades were amazing too.

Speaking of him. I received my birthday present from him early this year. A camera..and it shoots great video..so I'll be putting more things on here eventually!

I have been giving a lot of thought to which school I will put Asa in for kindergarten. I have contemplated homeschooling too, but at this point I am going to try out the charter school(if we can get in) and see how it goes. I can always home school if public school doesn't work out for us! We have been doing preschool at home though. He loves learning about letters and really picks stuff up well! After just a few weeks of going over a few letters, he picks them out of whatever sign or book or anything he see's which has letters on it! He is also obsessed with marine life. He could tell more proper names of fish than I could. He knows facts about them too. I really want to take him to the Baltimore Aquarium, I know he would love it!

I had Evie to the doctors the other day because of her incessant cold/sinus infection. I was sure they'd give her an anti-biotic...which they did not. They did however say that she was wheezing and prescribed some albuterol for her to take in the nebulizer. The doctor said that she would probably use it again...meaning the outlook didn't look so swell....meaning she could possibly develop asthma like her brother. I hope not. I REALLY hope not. It's such a hard thing for me to deal with mentally, because I don't like thinking my child is struggling to breathe and not getting enough oxygen, especially when you can see it in his face. I do realize however, that it could be WAY worse. I just pray that Evie doesn't have to get what her brother has.

Since she has been sick lately, her sleeping patterns have deteriorated and she is having a really hard time falling asleep. Which means I am tired quite often now too. Today was sunny when I woke up though, and that helped to wake me easier :) I better try and get some stuff done while Evie takes her nap and Asa's occupied with the babysitter(noggin)

almost summer

Evie turned one recently, May 2 to be exact. She is quite the amazing little one. She learned to walk flawlessly by 11 months. She began walking at the end of 9 months. She is so much fun and really girly.

The weather has been really warm lately. It's like we just skipped spring. I like it warm though, I get more done when I am not cold. I washed my car yesterday, that hasn't been done in...should I dare say?...more than a year. It feels good. I've been exercising too!! It's a miracle!!! The kids and I walk a mile every other day here around the neighborhood..I would do more but the kids want to get out of the double stroller.. It feels good to move around though.

I have a lot of weird dreams that feel like real life. Random weird things that seem like they would just be a part of my everyday real life.

Mark had to get a new car at the beginning of April because the green car needed too much work to pass inspection. It's not new, but new for us and awesome! Its very sporty and fancy inside. It's an VW Passat and I am very sure we'll go for another VW when the time comes!

I tried to paint the kitchen the same color as the hallway...that kinda tan leather color. It doesn't look the way I wanted it too and I stopped before finishing the edging. The problem with this is when I repaint I am afraid that the edging will appear much lighter since the paint will be going over white. The new color I want is Behr's Royal Breeze or Seven Seas. The cabinets are going to be a reddish mahagony color and we'll have orange accents...we'll see if it actually ever pans out. If it turns out the way I want I think it will be awesome!!!

Right now I am sitting here trying to think of the past 4 anniversaries Mark and I have celebrated. We've always followed the traditional/modern anniversary gift lists. I can't remember all that we've gotten for each other though, or how we celebrated the day. It's pretty frustrating! I basically can only remember all of the first anniversary and some of a few afterward. This year will be our fifth and I want to go somewhere for the weekend. We'll have to get something made out of wood for each other. Maybe furniture? Not in these tight times.

Things I am thankful for: My almighty Father God, My loving, beautiful family, my house-a work in progress, two cars that work, Albuterol, the healthcare industry, my new cheap cell phone, flowers, colors, clothes that fit a little less tight than last month, my couches that wipe clean when they're spilled on, people who are real with me, pretty music, my cool leather bound journal that i got for my anniversary three years ago--and the same journal that Daniel Faraday uses in Lost: Wendy's small chilies, Livestrong.com's Daily Plate, and many more things.